Odin, Title: “Proud” should be capitalised. The assignment was, why are “you” proud to be Canadian, not “we”. Some punctuation and word choice issues. Introduction: A good effort. Your opening sentence brings up democracy, and in the last sentence you mention our diverse culture but don’t support either later in your writing. Supporting Paragraphs: Your support your opinion well. At times, the writing is repetitive and seems to go off topic. In paragraph four, don’t write “Okay, here is the paragraph …” Formal writing is should not be conversational. Conclusion: Your conclusion should simply restate your three main points in the same order you supported them earlier in your writing. “Thank you for reading” is conversational. Expository writing should only be formal. Overall, this is a very good effort at expository writing. Try to keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. 19/25
Odin,
ReplyDeleteTitle: “Proud” should be capitalised.
The assignment was, why are “you” proud to be Canadian, not “we”.
Some punctuation and word choice issues.
Introduction: A good effort. Your opening sentence brings up democracy, and in the last sentence you mention our diverse culture but don’t support either later in your writing.
Supporting Paragraphs: Your support your opinion well. At times, the writing is repetitive and seems to go off topic. In paragraph four, don’t write “Okay, here is the paragraph …” Formal writing is should not be conversational.
Conclusion: Your conclusion should simply restate your three main points in the same order you supported them earlier in your writing. “Thank you for reading” is conversational. Expository writing should only be formal.
Overall, this is a very good effort at expository writing. Try to keep each paragraph focused on one main idea.
19/25