Now, that his grotesque looks are described thoroughly with salt, now is the time to describe his own quaint, but at the same time, a very unique personality, which only members of high-intelligence clubs will understand. He will work hard on school subjects, so he will hopefully not worry about homework. If Vladimir 
However, Vladimir 
The End! 
 
Odin,
ReplyDeleteI found this a bit difficult to read. It doesn’t flow very well. Sometimes you have two unrelated things in the same sentence. The description (grey hair, wrinkles) doesn’t seem to match a Grade 7 student. You change tense. You describe his hair at the beginning, then middle, then end of the first paragraph. I don’t feel that lead pipe is wide. There are 12 inches in a foot, so 6 feet and 13 inches would really be 7 feet and 1 inch. Etc.
When I look at individual sentences, you use some extremely good descriptive words and phrases.
Some self and peer editing should have been used. Whether you are given class time to edit or not, it’s something that will always improve your writing.
20/25